Compassionate Leadership starts with how we treat ourselves

I recently attended a workshop on Compassionate Leadership with the University of Huddersfield and it really stayed with me.

Research consistently shows that compassionate leadership improves employee wellbeing, engagement, productivity and retention. Employees who experience empathy and support from leaders are significantly more likely to feel engaged at work, contribute ideas, stay with organisations longer and experience greater psychological safety.

And honestly, that makes complete sense.

People do better work when they feel seen.
When they feel listened to.
When they feel safe enough to contribute without fear of being humiliated, dismissed or constantly operating in survival mode.

Compassionate leadership isn’t about lowering standards or avoiding accountability. It’s about creating environments where people can actually thrive.

The workshop got me thinking about the leaders I work with.

Some leaders naturally lead this way. Compassion is baked into how they communicate, how they give feedback, how they support people through pressure and challenge. They manage to hold high expectations and humanity at the same time.

Others really struggle with it.

Not because they’re bad people. But because compassion simply doesn’t feel like part of their role as a leader.

And I found myself wondering why.

I think a lot of it comes down to self-compassion.

Many leaders have spent years pushing themselves relentlessly. They’ve learned to succeed through pressure, resilience and high standards. They’ve told themselves things like:

“I had it tough and I got on with it.”
“No one supported me.”
“That’s just part of work.”
“If I ease up, standards will slip.”

And underneath all of that is often someone who has very little compassion for themselves.

Because leadership can feel lonely.

Leaders are expected to support everyone else, regulate everyone else, motivate everyone else and absorb pressure from every direction. But who is supporting the leader? Who is giving them permission to be human?

I think sometimes when we haven’t experienced much compassion ourselves — internally or externally — it becomes harder to extend it consistently to others.

And perhaps that’s why some leaders default to pressure over support. Performance over people. Efficiency over empathy.

Not intentionally. Just habitually.

But compassionate leadership is not weakness.

In fact, I’d argue it requires a huge amount of emotional intelligence, self-awareness and courage.

It means listening properly instead of reacting quickly.
Creating psychological safety instead of fear.
Giving feedback that develops people rather than diminishes them.
Holding boundaries and expectations while still recognising humanity.

And importantly, it also means extending some of that compassion inward.

Because leaders who constantly operate from self-criticism, pressure and exhaustion rarely create calm, psychologically safe environments for others.

Compassionate leadership starts long before we manage other people.

It starts with the way we manage ourselves.

So I’ve been reflecting on this question ever since the workshop:

Is compassion baked into your way of leading?
Or do you simply expect more and more from yourself — and unconsciously from everyone around you too?